(due to technical difficulties...this blog wasn't posted on the supposed date:12/19/08)
(my apologies...)
How do I say this? Uhmm..well..i cried—that’s what I meant of the frozen tears that melted. I am really feeling great. Oh, how can I describe this? Let’s say, my heart felt so heavy-burdened these past few days, then lessened a little recently, and just at this very moment, I feel so light at all.
Upon my arrival this evening, I felt like an expected guest. Everybody in the neighborhood knew I was coming home, so as I passed through their homes, I saw smiling faces. I smiled back to each one, of course. I felt so happy for being anticipated. But despite the warm welcome, I felt a little weird. And I can’t quite understand why that is so. Well, I had to figure it out on the latter.
December 19, 2008, is my dearest sister’s 12th birthday. I thought there was no celebration, but I was informed that she’ll throw a party on the 20th instead for my benefit. And I felt so important, of course. After a little chat with my Mom and sister, a few friends asked if I could hang-out with them. My Mom did allow me without hesitation. I was so glad. Bu then again, here comes the weird feeling.
When I arrived home a few minutes past ten, I felt so at home, but with the same weird feeling pulling through. I went to my ‘rents room to chat with my Mom again. I opened up the topic about what had just happened. I hinted her that I was kinda’ expecting a serious detention regarding the issue, but she hasn’t said anything about it. All she said was what my Dad wanted me to know, and that is, “What has happened already happened. Let’s move on”. I can’t believe what I was hearing, i was supposed to feel good, but then I wasn’t glad about it, because it doesn’t seem right. And then it hit me, I am being guilty that’s why I’m having this weird feeling. I can’t stand it, so I went to the bathroom to wash, but before I was able to do so, I cried. I cried not because I’m unhappy, but happy. Yet, behind my happiness lies a heart who feels so unworthy for everything that is happening. I should have been scolded the very instant I entered the doorstep. I felt so ashamed because despite all that I caused my family, they welcomed me home with open arms without questions, as if nothing happened.
Finally, my tears have fallen to place. So this is what I need for them to fall. I never did let my Mom nor my sister see that I was crying. When I was asked what took me so long, I just answered, “I miss the bathroom that I can’t seem to get out”. And I think they believed me.
Right now, I am feeling so whole—so reconstructed in a way. I hope I would not break my family’s heart again. Though accidents are inevitable, I could lessen the burden it may cause them, couldn’t I?
How do I say this? Uhmm..well..i cried—that’s what I meant of the frozen tears that melted. I am really feeling great. Oh, how can I describe this? Let’s say, my heart felt so heavy-burdened these past few days, then lessened a little recently, and just at this very moment, I feel so light at all.
Upon my arrival this evening, I felt like an expected guest. Everybody in the neighborhood knew I was coming home, so as I passed through their homes, I saw smiling faces. I smiled back to each one, of course. I felt so happy for being anticipated. But despite the warm welcome, I felt a little weird. And I can’t quite understand why that is so. Well, I had to figure it out on the latter.
December 19, 2008, is my dearest sister’s 12th birthday. I thought there was no celebration, but I was informed that she’ll throw a party on the 20th instead for my benefit. And I felt so important, of course. After a little chat with my Mom and sister, a few friends asked if I could hang-out with them. My Mom did allow me without hesitation. I was so glad. Bu then again, here comes the weird feeling.
When I arrived home a few minutes past ten, I felt so at home, but with the same weird feeling pulling through. I went to my ‘rents room to chat with my Mom again. I opened up the topic about what had just happened. I hinted her that I was kinda’ expecting a serious detention regarding the issue, but she hasn’t said anything about it. All she said was what my Dad wanted me to know, and that is, “What has happened already happened. Let’s move on”. I can’t believe what I was hearing, i was supposed to feel good, but then I wasn’t glad about it, because it doesn’t seem right. And then it hit me, I am being guilty that’s why I’m having this weird feeling. I can’t stand it, so I went to the bathroom to wash, but before I was able to do so, I cried. I cried not because I’m unhappy, but happy. Yet, behind my happiness lies a heart who feels so unworthy for everything that is happening. I should have been scolded the very instant I entered the doorstep. I felt so ashamed because despite all that I caused my family, they welcomed me home with open arms without questions, as if nothing happened.
Finally, my tears have fallen to place. So this is what I need for them to fall. I never did let my Mom nor my sister see that I was crying. When I was asked what took me so long, I just answered, “I miss the bathroom that I can’t seem to get out”. And I think they believed me.
Right now, I am feeling so whole—so reconstructed in a way. I hope I would not break my family’s heart again. Though accidents are inevitable, I could lessen the burden it may cause them, couldn’t I?
lol...ligid! bag-o lang ko basa... baw so many chikas to talk about1=) merry christmas!
ReplyDelete