dozed off the first time

I really am not into drinking. Well, I do drink occasionally but not that much actually. (Yeah, we’re talking about hard drinks here). Every time I drink, I always put in mind the consequences it may cause me if I get really drunk. First, I might have asthma attack; second, I might spill my deepest-buried secrets; and I might fall-off anywhere. But what happened to me yesterday was different and it wasn’t my first time to drink at home (or at least near our house). I was filled with a mixture of excitement and relief. Excitement because it was the first time (or like first time really) that I get to have fun with my little cousins, who are obviously no longer little (that includes my lil’ sis, gosh). Relief because I just had a bad day on the 29th, and I really felt like breaking out.

I won’t go into details what I took and how many glasses (uhmm….actually we used plastic cups, those that could hold a hundred mL I think, since our parents won’t let us use the shot glasses just because our tatays were the first ones to borrow). I felt really groggy after several cups, thus I stopped to go play Uno with my other cousins who quitted earlier because they just feel like it. But even I was tables away from those who are still on board, still they did not fail to intoxicate me by sending to my table a few more cups. I wasn’t supposed to drink it all (or that was what I said to myself before I did so). Then I felt really muzzy and shaky but I ignored it. I went playing Uno still until the rain came to tip us off to go home. I was already at the doorstep and was so proud of myself for not falling while I was on my way home, or so (my sister was with me all the while and was insisting that I walked like a cross-eyed…duh). In the end, I gave in. They (my Mom and sis) assisted me towards the dining table and gave me some tea to make me feel better (or was that tea? Oh, I forgot). After a few blurry chats, I went to my room and changed perhaps, said my good nights to everyone then…uhmm…I think that’s the time I went to sleep maybe.

To make the long story short, I dozed off. (lawsi)

the bestest gift

I love the life I’m having now. What more could I ask for when I seem to have everything already? Hmm…let’s see. Loving and understanding family, check (but they tend to become bossy and overprotective at times); loyal best friends, check (there are really plenty of ‘em, and I can prove you they all do exist); good health, check (well yeah… sometimes I still get attacked by my asthma…but its normal…I have always my inhaler with me anyway); beauty, check (fine, I’m not that pretty but everyone who loves me calls me one…so why bother not to believe); brains, check (duh!? Who hasn’t got a brain?); money to support my simple way of life, check (except that circumstances such as what happened to me last time are truly unavoidable, thus must be buried and forgotten…that one sucks!); hmmm…what else? A good and famous name? I don’t think I would want to have that ‘coz I’m already fine with what happened to our name (for those who knew my silly little secret..SSHHHH!).

So, what do you think is that bestest gift I just got? Not a guy, you silly. I already have my Dad, why bother look for another man when I already got one? Oh well, going back, you really don’t have any idea about this gift? Okay, I’ll say it. It’s a pacemaker—an artificial pacemaker. It’s not mine, technically, but for my GrandMa. She just had a surgery a day before the Christmas Eve. God is really great ‘coz the surgery went smoothly and my Gran was allowed to go home for Christmas. Unlike other patients who were advised to stay at the hospital for further observations, my Gran was sent home ‘coz she’s way stronger than the others considering that she’s already 94 years old. I may not be there by her side when the operation was done (she lives in the States with my Dad’s siblings), but I never failed to pray for her.

I’m really so happy because the success of the operation only meant one thing—Lola is still living. She would still be able to visit us here soon. I even heard she’s about to have a vacation on summer 2009. I can’t wait to see and hug her again. The last time I saw her was last Christmas, but since she had a surgery this time, her visit was a bit delayed. But despite the delay, I’m still glad. As long as she lives, I’m complete. Such the bestest gift ever.

the christmas event

This year's Chrsitmas is one of my most 'memorables'. Let's say it's not really about the glitz and glam of the celebration. For the first time, I, as in I, celebrated Christmas for its very essence. Yeah, I know. Since I was a kid I was taught what Christmas is all about, but it was just this year that I understood whole-heartedly what the celebration really meant.

Before, despite the fact that I am already a grown-up (or somehow), I still anticipate to receive a lot of gifts during Christmas. It is the time of gift-giving, they say. But did we realize that the one who has his birthday on the Christmas day is not receiving any at all? Well, technically no one's really a hundred percent sure that He was actually born on the 25th of December, but for the sake of unity and uniformity, the Romans appointed the said date (was that the Romans?). But whatever, the day is intended for the celebration of His birth. Yeah, gift-giving is totally fun but wouldn't it be more fun if the celebrant Himself gets His gift? So, what did you gave Him this time?

Despite of a very little gift I gave Him, He gave me one of the bestest gift I could ever ask for. What was it? Just read my next post.

last minute shopping

I love shopping. But I hate the money being spent away just for shopping. I received a little gift from my uncle so I asked my ‘rents if I could go to the mall, good thing they allowed me, but I have to go with my Dad. No worries because I just love shopping with my Dad. I’m not saying that Mom is no good in shopping, well, girls think alike, but we don’t think alike on which store to buy these and that. My Dad is forever a neutral. No complaints, no questions asked. He just goes along and never did he backed-out on us.

Actually, my last minute shopping is not for mine alone. I was requested to buy a few lacking ingredients for our noche buena as well. Despite the busy streets and the crowded malls, my Dad and I finished shopping early and went home immediately. We don’t want to look wasted when we would be celebrating in the wee hours of the morning, don’t we?

sisterhood

(due to technical difficulties...this blog wasn't posted on the supposed date:12/20/08)
(my apologies...)

I think this blog is going to be more of a movie review than of a blog itself, but whatever, I can post anything I want here anyway. Or more likely, a blog really. Whatever. It’s about the movie of a “magical pants” entitled, “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants”. (But what I watched recently is the part 2).

The part 1 of the movie was aired way back 2005 or 2006 (if I am not mistaken). I watched it together with my 3 other friends. It seems that we are bound to watch it because the movie is a story about friendship of 4 girls. Then, the story seems likely to fit ours (somehow…or just a bit). Then that’s when we planned to have our own “traveling thing”. Unfortunately, until we parted ways, we weren’t able to pursue what we should have done. So the “traveling thing” remained a plan up to…well…today.

I was supposed to watch the part 2 of the movie in the big screen with my friends, because due to distance, the 4 of us won’t be able to watch it together so we split into twos (which is a good thing because I am with my other friend here in Iloilo while the other two were in Bacolod). But then, too much misfortune brought me luck that caused a disarray. The day and time to watch the movie was set. It was agreed. I dunno what happened but we missed it. It’s kinda’ long and complicated, so I’m not gonna waste my time retelling it.

And so I ended up watching the movie in a DVD with my sister (thanks to her because she’s the one who offered me her borrowed disc). Then after I finished watching, I suddenly remembered our plan. Just recently, about a month ago, we agreed to truly pursue out goal before the year ends. We even have a specific title to it: "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Slippers or Bracelet or Anklet”. Any of the three seemed good to me, so whichever we choose, I’d love to have it.

But hang on, how are we supposed to beat the deadline if we won’t be able to see each other this vacation? Three of us are not going to the conference (which is bound to be our rendezvous of the year). Only text and emails keep us together. How are we gonna fix this? Let’s all find out next year!

frozen tears that melted

(due to technical difficulties...this blog wasn't posted on the supposed date:12/19/08)

(my apologies...)

How do I say this? Uhmm..well..i cried—that’s what I meant of the frozen tears that melted. I am really feeling great. Oh, how can I describe this? Let’s say, my heart felt so heavy-burdened these past few days, then lessened a little recently, and just at this very moment, I feel so light at all.

Upon my arrival this evening, I felt like an expected guest. Everybody in the neighborhood knew I was coming home, so as I passed through their homes, I saw smiling faces. I smiled back to each one, of course. I felt so happy for being anticipated. But despite the warm welcome, I felt a little weird. And I can’t quite understand why that is so. Well, I had to figure it out on the latter.

December 19, 2008, is my dearest sister’s 12th birthday. I thought there was no celebration, but I was informed that she’ll throw a party on the 20th instead for my benefit. And I felt so important, of course. After a little chat with my Mom and sister, a few friends asked if I could hang-out with them. My Mom did allow me without hesitation. I was so glad. Bu then again, here comes the weird feeling.

When I arrived home a few minutes past ten, I felt so at home, but with the same weird feeling pulling through. I went to my ‘rents room to chat with my Mom again. I opened up the topic about what had just happened. I hinted her that I was kinda’ expecting a serious detention regarding the issue, but she hasn’t said anything about it. All she said was what my Dad wanted me to know, and that is, “What has happened already happened. Let’s move on”. I can’t believe what I was hearing, i was supposed to feel good, but then I wasn’t glad about it, because it doesn’t seem right. And then it hit me, I am being guilty that’s why I’m having this weird feeling. I can’t stand it, so I went to the bathroom to wash, but before I was able to do so, I cried. I cried not because I’m unhappy, but happy. Yet, behind my happiness lies a heart who feels so unworthy for everything that is happening. I should have been scolded the very instant I entered the doorstep. I felt so ashamed because despite all that I caused my family, they welcomed me home with open arms without questions, as if nothing happened.

Finally, my tears have fallen to place. So this is what I need for them to fall. I never did let my Mom nor my sister see that I was crying. When I was asked what took me so long, I just answered, “I miss the bathroom that I can’t seem to get out”. And I think they believed me.

Right now, I am feeling so whole—so reconstructed in a way. I hope I would not break my family’s heart again. Though accidents are inevitable, I could lessen the burden it may cause them, couldn’t I?

bliss amidst wilderness

I was just having my sluggish brain and recently-spiritless-being getting prepared for a long blue Christmas. Here I go again. Blabbering about my personal catastrophes and the never ending story of my miserable life (not so totally miserable, just recently you know). Life is really a little ironic I believe. Despite all these things that is happening to me, I still am very able to laugh about it (talk about "ikadlaw ang libog"). I truly live by that virtue. And through the vast darkness of my present situation, I saw light. Both literally and figuratively. Here's my little story:

"I really wanted to cry (lament would be a better catch) about what happened. But my tears seem to freeze. No tears do come out whenever I want them to. I want to talk it out, but people around me seemed to be pleased with my jolly personality. So, why ruin the facade?

Fortunately, a good friend of mine wanted to meet up and talk about it (as in detailed). Twas a relief. Though I wasn't able to cry my heart out, I was able to pour out everything I wanted to say. I actually saw light (my friend's name is Delight). After the short conversation about my pitiful experience, we went Christmas shopping! That was an instant therapy! Why didn't I think of going shopping earlier so that I wouldn't have felt really bad? (Oh well, how can I go shopping with zero cash in hand, anyway? Stupid me!). After all, I felt good.

I was relieved from being sunken in distress but something even made me feel better. It was a text message I received from my Dad telling me to attend the Christmas party (which he forbade me to attend at first), then go straight home (to Manapla) right after. I was not just glad, I was delighted (i love to use the word). I would have hugged my dearest father for being so understanding. I couldn't ask for more. I'm just so thankful. Despite the high expenditures I caused my family, they still love me and stood by me.

One last thing that truly enlightened me is that I found Php300.00 along my piles of used and unused envelopes. I was rummaging among them because I quite believed I would be able to find something. Then, presto! There I found my 300 bill inserted neatly in one of the envelopes. Talk about intuition."

So that's it. The light I'm trying to tell you is It's just somewhere around you. You don't have to search in the vastness of space, you'll just have to open your eyes wider. It's often found in people you hold dear in your heart whether they be near or far from you. I'm glad I have friends who are always there for me. I might not tell them what really is going inside me, they never asked, but they listened and understood. Oh how I love my friends! I'm totally loving the life I have now. Ciao!

bankruptcy declared..

I'm no business woman..nor a wholesaler whatsoever. I'm just a student, a third year regular Pharmacy student of the University of San Agustin to be exact, with tons of stuff to comply and payments to pay. So how did I came up with this "bankruptcy" thing? Why don't you refer to my previous post "Could life get any worse?". Did you check it? Now you know. Who do you think won't go bankrupt upon losing your only wallet that contains ALL your money, literally? Now I'm developing the sense of regret in my nerve, why on earth did I resort to using only one wallet. Before, for everybody's info, I'm using 2 wallets and 2 coin purses (I just do it for convenience sake, separating cents from pesos, and lower bills from higher ones). That one I think, really did a little...okay..A LOT of help to me because whenever I go somewhere, I only bring those which contains the money enough for me to spend on a particular stuff, whatever. But lately, just recently, there were someone or a few who noticed my assorted wallet. I got bothered and decided to use only one wallet, for a change. I wasn't able to get myself used to it, but what happened? I LOST IT. How stupid I am to lose it, my only wallet. I really never learned my lesson. Maybe this time, based from what had happened, I have learned my lesson well. But hey! Aren't accidents inevitable? I can't escape in case I will again be a victim of whatever circumstances there may be...agree?

could life get any worse?

Today--December 15, 2008--is one of the worst day in my life.. Guess what? I forgot the conversion factor of gallons to milliliters, which caused me to lose 7 points in my exam,in just an instant, not to mention I still have a lot of mistakes that I would no longer take time to enumerate. What's worst that happened today? Oh well, I just lost my wallet this afternoon. It might not contain really very important stuffs such as ID, passport, etc. But i lost with it my ATM, GSK discount card (which I really need when buying my maintenance inhaler for my asthma because it's so pricey), and along with these, my money--more or less P7,000--which include the ones we still have to pay for the apartment's rent. What??? Oh yes, I lost it. And I'm gonna have my verdict on this coming Thursday. My Dad will be rushing here in Iloilo, for some unknown reasons. Maybe one of those is that he'll be the one to hand the payment to my landlady, and he'll gonna take me home even before the Christmas break starts. I bet I'll be grounded the whole vacation and I'm gonna have a very "exciting" break ever. Good luck to me!

power of words..

There's a phrase i once used as my 'shout out' saying, "Words are powerful; it can heal or kill". I really loved the idea of it. It seems to tickle my fancy. I love writing. And i love having fun with words, whether be it verbal or not. It's funny how simple a word is that would light up a sunken day. You can never truly tell how the power of a word would penetrate you. Blogging is one way of expressing oneself. They may be of sense, but mostly are of no sense at all. Just random thoughts you wanna post whenever you want to. It was this friend of mine who actually lured me to blogging. She's not blogging herself but loves to read one. I have blogs in my fs and multiply accounts, but she insisted that I create one here, too. So here I am, scribbling my first blog. Whoa! It's only a matter of seconds but I was able to type a few words here. Amazing, huh! As to end this one, I would like to share some quotes about writing:

"Write to express, not to impress"

"Write what your heart tells you"

"Write with all your might"

"Put your feelings in what you write"

"Read what you write"