the goodbye..

Here’s a bulletin I posted to friendster on Mar.08,2009.

Subject: so, this is goodbye then..

Message:

i still can't get over it..
kept thinking about it..
i'm trying to recover..
but i can't seem to get myself to it..
but this is reality, ain't it?
we all have to move on and accept it..

That afternoon on the very same day, I went to the airport along with MommyEmz, Delia, Sally, Pj and nongResty to send Jom2 and Kuya. They’re bound to fly off to the States around 4:00. We were happily seated chit chatting. We actually went there 4 hours earlier so that we’ll have time to get things through. We were all laughing and smiling until they went inside around 2:30 that the atmosphere changed a bit. They promised to be back after they would be able to get things done with their flight, like all the weighing of their luggage and stuff. And then, they’re back after a short while. I felt kinda sick then.

Before that “sickening” feeling, I already knew something like that is bound to happen. That’s why I kept distance, even I would sometimes be left out of place (it is only nongResty and I who went there were not related with them by blood), but not really, MommyEmz treated us as her own for being the best friends of her kiddos. Pro mas nami tani may upod pagid ko ya eh… I kept distance daad coz’ I don’t wanna feel the urge to cry. I prefer to talk together with everyone so that I’ll feel the jolly presence with ‘em (if I know better they were also holding back their tears as much as I do). So, we were all happily seated there. BJ and JC even went there even for the last minute. They just wanted to see our friends one last time.

At 3:15, I already felt uneasy. I sat beside Jom2 while we were waiting for them to finally check in. Since I don’t want anything that would trigger my tears to fall (I promised Jom2 daad nga indi ko maghibi, nagapusta pa kmi dan ni MommyEmz kun cnu mahibi), we kept on taking pictures. I even took a picture of their plane tickets just to entertain myself. Haha! But then, the atmosphere is really different.

Then the clock ticked—it’s already 3:30. MommyEmz was already ordering them to go inside, but neither of them moved until Mommy was already pleading them. I was the first one hugged and kissed by Jom2 (I really regret not hugging so tight ‘coz I won’t be able to do it again in a matter of 4-5 years). I wasn’t able to see what others were doing right after that scene because I went on checking my phone, for whatever reason there may be, that I don’t know. Then, here’s the loser part, I saw Sally crying, while Kuya was shaking my hands saying goodbye. That’s when I began too seeing everyone. Delia and MommyEmz started to wear their sunglasses (then I cursed myself for bringing one). Nong Resty was already teary eyed. PJ looked sick. And there it goes, I just felt warm tears forming in the little corners of my eye, and then I cried. I was such a loser. Then I was the one who spread the crying spell that everyone began crying. Twas the first time I saw Kuya crying, as well as nongResty (I can tell how they feel; they’re best friends since preschool for Pete’s sake). I just bid my goodbye for the last time to Jom2, refused to hug her one more time ‘coz I might not be able to let go.

And off they go. The last scene I had with the two of them—they’re walking towards the door and I came rushing with my cam, still teary eyed, to take a picture of them, and there, they force a smile for me. I’ll never forget that.

After the drama-rama session (which was completely embarrassing, ‘coz I was like still crying even they were already inside). BJ and JC bought me ice cream! Maybe to keep me from crying. Haha! I was like a kid, so glad to eat my ice cream and was glad to fool them as well. Haha! That was it then, twas really a bit of a good bye.

the despidida..

Despidida parties are usually enveloped by a sad, or should I say gloomy atmosphere. Well, most despididas are like that I believe, but not in our case. Who said despididas are always meant to be gloomy? Happy people like us won't fit in if such parties would ask us to carry sad faces.

28th of February, 2009. Not a very ordinary nor extraordinary day at all. Twas Xian and Jhaey's birthday (both celebrated their days by themselves without inviting me! mga tonto! well, I have my previously agreed engagements anyway). Twas as well Jom's despidida party. (Jom is one of my bestfriends, and is planning to migrate to the States with the rest of their family). I actually felt both excitement and hesitation in attending the party last Saturday. I was excited because all my peers will be gathered together even just for a little while. (Kis-a sa malaka lang kami daan matipon). I was hesitant then, because I don't wanna say goodbye. Although I was not whole heartedly willing to go, I went. I don't wanna be absent in one of the most important events in our lives (it could be considered important, perhaps). Twas not a big celebration really, just a simple gathering of important people in their lives that they wanna sepend their last days here in the Philippines with. I was very grateful that I am one of them.

Sta. Cruz resort, is where we all gathered. Not everyone decided to swim because of the scorching heat of the sun (including eem eem and me because actually, we have no idea that we are going to the beach..haha!). Eventhough we didn't have the chance to enjoy the salt water, we were not dismayed because we played in the sand--we have drawn our names, shapes and traced our footprints. We wanted the day to be memorable, so we did our best not to cry. We entertained ourselves by talking about our past memories together, both happy and sad. From first year encounter down to fourth year parting ways. We all laughed (I'll never forget those laughs from everyone, esp from Mommy Emz). I was telling myself not to crybecause I don't want them to bring with them a memory of a crying Maimai. Good thing I won over my emotions and left the resort smiling. The smile that they will remember. This face that somehow made a difference in their lives, like what they did to mine.

A battle well fought. My tears never did fall until I reached home. I really felt a bit sick holding my tears back. At least I'm doing it for a good cause. It doesn't matter if I cry or not (well maybe i'll cry on the airport, if I can go with them there). On the 8th or March, off they'll go to Oakland. Dunno when will they be back again (seems like I'm singing a song here or something..blah blah..whatever).

I'll really miss them--Momy Emz, the Mom of everyone. You never did fail to care and love us the way you did to your own children. You saw us the way we are and accepted us whole heartedly. I already lost a Mom once, and now here I am again bidding good bye to another Mom. To Kuya--though we're not that close, I know you loved us as your own siblings. We may be annoying (entering your room without permission, or using the computer even you wanted to use it already), but you accepted us. You treated us as part of your family. I really did enjoy your company. And lastly, to Jom2--you will always be my and our bestfriend. You may be miles and miles away from us, you will always be in our hearts. I'm gonna miss you badly. No words can describe how important you are to me, to us. It's like I'll be looking for a missing puzzle piece of my life until the day we will be reunited. I will truly wait for that time to come (this time, when I say wait, I'll wait..guaranteed with no complaints).